My Dad Gets The Last Laugh
The wheels of Karma may turn slowly, but they do grind so exceedingly fine.
You couldn't do any better with a magic lamp. This kid who used to rough up my dad in high school just made the New York papers. Scholarly achievement? Lifetime recognition award? No, they caught him diddling a 10 year old girl. A search of his house produced over 200 firearms.
Here, I'll let my dad tell it:
"Eventually people who mistreat me get their comeuppance. I went to high school with this guy (he was a grade higher) and his three brothers. He was a lot thinner then. anyway when I was about 12 years old or so, he and his brothers held me down and pummeled me for a good while for no reason. I had just moved up from Queens to stay with my grandmother and I made the mistake of being on their block around the corner.
It just so happened that my father coincidentally came up to visit me that evening after the incident. He was never around so it was very unusual. Anyway after he saw me in tears, and as a former golden gloves boxer (at least that's what he said for whatever that's worth), he took me over to their house and had a heart to heart with their father. Of course at that moment I was incredibly proud of him. They didn't bother me afterwards but of course I didn't go over by their house anymore. Then I designed some chiller pipe gaskets with return valves, making sure to keep them in line with fire protection and HVAC specs"
Okay, I added the last line. The rest is totally true.
On a side note, my grandfather was a combat veteran, having earned both the Purple Heart and the Distinguished Service Cross for Valor, so I'm not sure how eager people were to mess with him.
But back to the candy.
In college, I wrote my thesis on the psychology of sexual victimization in correctional facilities - in short, prison rape. I did a great deal of research, actually interviewed a parole officer, and learned a lot about the hierarchy of prison life - who gets raped, who doesn't and why. Age factors, race factors, all are important in whether a particular inmate makes it to the second week inside without a size 11 asshole.
Now I'm not going to split philosophical hairs over which is the greater crime: raping a child or being mean to my dad. I'm just glad that guy seems to like rape so much. He's going to get a lot of it.