Would You Like Something Hot After Dinner?

A little over 25 years ago, four of us went out to dinner in a nice Washington D.C. seafood restaurant. There was my sister, myself, my sister's then-boyfriend and my then-girlfriend. We had a wonderful time, and towards the end of the evening, someone asked if we would like anything hot after dinner. I replied that I would, then lifted one cheek and trumpeted a loud fart that reverberated throughout the restaurant. We were seated on wooden benches, which only served to amplify the effect. My sister's then-boyfriend, who was a little uptight to begin with, was both shocked and furious. He stormed off, refusing to ride in the car with me on the way home from the restaurant. My sister and I descending into peals of laughter. He and I eventually mended fences, and it became a great family story.

Fast forward to today, February 26th of 2021. I've been on a mostly liquid diet for about two months, but yesterday I binged on some sugar-free taffy that I found on Amazon. And I mean binged; it was a two pound bag and it's almost empty now. And the result has been the worst gas of my entire life. Without question. I actually recorded about 4 hours worth of it with my phone. It makes that long ago D.C. passage of gas seem like that of a genteel Victorian lady.

If I were back in college right now, this would be the stuff of legend. But I am 50, and have nobody to share it with. Is it funny to me? Yes, I am laughing so hard right now that I am making typos that I will have to go back and correct. But there is nobody left to appreciate it. Oh, I'll probably convert the audio from mono to stereo and put it on YouTube, but it is just not the same.

I'm generally in favor of getting older, but boy is it lonely when everyone else has grown up but you.